Everything at Once

Things I have started reading in the last year (emphasis on started, none finished):

• The Mind and the Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Jeffrey M. Schwartz
• Positive Peer Culture (Modern Applications of Social Work) by Vorath & Brendtro
• White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son by Tim Wise
• EMDR: The Breakthrough “Eye Movement” Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma by Shapiro & Forrest
• Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
• Out-of-Control: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Workbook to Get Control of Emotions and Emotion-Driven Behavior: Drug-Alcohol Abuse-Bipolar-Border… Personality Disorder-Depression-… by Ph.D. Melanie Gordon Sheets
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures, 2nd Edition by Shapiro
• There are at least 5 or 6 others waiting to be opened.

Things I have actually finished reading in the last year:

•  The Art of Racing in the Rain: A Novel by Garth Stein
• Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors by Heather T. Forbes
• Lessons from the Lion’s Den: Therapeutic Management of Children in Psychiatric Hospitals and Treatment Centers by Nancy S. Cotton (mostly)
• Perhaps a smattering of others I can’t recall right now.

I think this is a snapshot of my life – trying to do it all at once.  Rather than focus on one thing, I divide my attention and end up with no real gains.  It does not help that I currently have two jobs, one of which requires me to assign reading to students and the other that requires me to read so I feel like I know what I am talking about. 

In the past year, I have considered getting a PhD, quitting my job for various other career options, becoming trained in EMDR (or forensic social work or DBT or any number of other career-related trainings), and the list goes on. 

Even as I turn on my computer, I immediately begin to look up 10 different things at once, forcing my computer to work at a snail’s pace.  I find myself feeling perpetually dissatisfied, scattered and unfocused.  Oh, and exhausted.  And yet, I can’t imagine myself suddenly settling on one book, one are of interest, and forgetting all else. 

So, I wonder, it is a sign of an interesting character that I read 10 books  at once over the course of many months?  Or is it simply an indication that I wil lforever fail at achieving more because it I will never be able to decide what I love most?